Nobody Said It Was Easy
by dementedappletree
Summary: Santana is in love with Brittany, but she has trouble dealing with it. Almost against her will, she must accept the help of Kurt and Blaine in dealing with her feelings. Klainetana friendship. Eventually.


**A/N: This story just sort of appeared in my brain and forced me to write it. I have no idea whether it's any good or not, as I'm not used to trying to get inside Santana's head. But she is one of my favorite characters, and I can identify with her to some degree. Hopefully you guys like what came out of this, and please tell me whether I should continue it, because feedback is what makes me want to keep writing. Thank you!**

**PS. I obviously do not own Glee.  
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Santana watched her from across the room, half-glad for the chance. Usually Brittany sat with her, but today she was with Artie, smiling innocently. They weren't together anymore, obviously, but that didn't really seem to make a difference.

She wished she didn't care. Back when all she did was play around, it was all so much easier.

Then she had to go and fall in love. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Falling in love made you too vulnerable. She'd tried to give her heart away, and her best friend didn't want it. So she did what she'd always done, and it mattered as little as ever. Only now... it wasn't fun. It was just something to do to make her time less empty.

She looked away from Brittany for a second and noticed Hummel watching her, his expression considering. His gaze flicked to Brittany's face, then back to hers, and she watched the spark of realization light his eyes.

xxx_  
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Kurt saw it now. Her hard exterior was a facade. She's never wanted a boy, just like he'd never wanted a girl. For her, playing with boys' hearts was just a game, and it didn't even seem like she wanted to win anymore. Now, oddly, it almost seemed like she needed help.

He winced, knowing how much she wouldn't thank him for meddling. He didn't even _like _Santana. She'd messed with his life enough over the past few weeks. He shouldn't care about her at all. She found screwing with his life _amusing_, for fuck's sake. Not that it had turned out all that badly, in the end.

He knew he'd talk to her about it anyway, if only to have his suspicions confirmed. He sighed, and Blaine squeezed his hand, smiling at him. Really, he'd made up his mind as soon as he'd understood. He braced himself. This was not going to be fun.

xxx

Santana bit down on her tongue, gently. _He's going to say something, isn't he? God, this **sucks**_. She glanced over at him again. He was leaning on his boyfriend's shoulder, looking happy, but wearing the slightly calculating expression she was sure had graced her face more than once. They looked so _cute _together it almost made her want to throw up. God, she _wanted _that, though she would hardly admit it, even to herself.

Mr Schue was talking, she noticed, not that it really made a difference. She hardly ever listened anymore. She was just waiting... and she didn't know what for.

The bell rang, and she left as quickly as possible, but not quite quickly enough to delay the inevitable.

"Are you okay?"

She turned around. "What?" she said, wearing her best glare, though she know it wouldn't do any good.

"I asked if you were okay." He almost looked contrite, if that word could ever be applied to Kurt Hummel.

"I'm fine." She didn't sound fine, she knew. Somehow she couldn't lie to him as well as she could to everyone else. He was one of those people who could see right through you. They were alike in that respect. They both understood people... but she used it to hurt instead.

"Really," he said, disbelieving.

He was judging her, she could tell.

"Leave me alone."

"If you want me to." He turned to leave, then paused. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. Or you could talk to Blaine. He might listen better." He smiled slightly. "He's good at that."

She scoffed. Like that would ever happen. "I don't need your help."

He gave her another piercing look, and left.

xxx

She didn't need help. That's what she kept telling herself. But it wasn't getting any easier.

It wasn't good to torture herself, she knew.

Wasn't that what they said in those romantic comedies she used to watch with Britt? You should stay safe for a while. Allow yourself time to get over the person who broke your heart. She smirked. And here she'd thought she didn't have a heart to break.

She had tried. Really. But her best friend was the only one she _could _hang out with, during school. And even if she hadn't been... it was too hard to keep away from her.

So one day, after practice, she'd done what she said she wouldn't do.

xxx

"Can I talk to you?"

Blaine blinked. Santana was talking to him, but she was using a tone of voice that was almost... normal. Normal for normal people. Which Santana wasn't. If that made sense.

He looked around, wishing Kurt was here. He'd know how to deal with this. Blaine sent an urgent plea for aid to his boyfriend, who was home sick.

_santana wants to talk to me. quick what should I do? HELP_

The text came back, but it wasn't what he expected.

_She wants your advice. Just talk to her, okay? She's hurting right now._

Blaine was confused. Santana? _Hurting? _But she did seem different, lately. Worn out. She was still waiting for him to answer, and that more than anything made him think that Kurt might be right. Santana didn't wait for _anything_.

"Um... If you want?"

They walked to an empty classroom. The students, of course, had fled the school as soon as the final bell sounded.

"What's up?" he asked, trying to sound as though this wasn't defying everything he knew of the world.

She looked out the window; she didn't seem to want to meet his eyes. "Hummel hasn't told you about me, has he?"

"No," he replied, wonderingly what she could possibly want to talk to _him _about.

xxx

This was going to be harder than she had thought. She'd expected Hummel to tell his boyfriend, under the assumption that they told each other everything. That was how it seemed, from the outside.

"That sucks," she said, because she didn't know what else to say.

"Why?"

"Because..." She looked around the room, anywhere but at him. Somehow the expression on his face reminded her of Brittany, though they looked nothing alike. Both of them cared about people without expecting anything in return. "Because it means I have to explain."

"I won't tell anyone," he promised. "Unless you want me to."

She laughed harshly. "Like I'd want that." She reconsidered. "You can tell Hummel. I don't want to have to say it twice."

"Okay." He waited for her to start, too patient. He was reminding her of Britt again.

She searched for the words to start, and took a deep breath, like a swimmer preparing to dive deep, deep into a pool.

"I guess the first thing you have to know is that I'm in love with Britt."

He nodded, accepting. It made sense.

"But she doesn't love me."

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, then closed it again.

"What?" she said, glad for the interruption. Asking questions was easier than answering them.

"How do you know that?"

"She-" She'd said she did. Months ago. It was painful to remember that day. "She told me she loved me..." That was what she had said, wasn't it? No one ever told the truth when it mattered. "It doesn't really make a difference."

"I don't understand." He wore his emotions where everyone could see them, just like Britt. It would have been easier to talk to Hummel. They were more alike.

"What don't you understand?" she said, patiently, like she did when she was helping her best friend.

"If you love her, and she loves you... Why aren't you together?"

She looked down, trying not to cry.

"I don't know."


End file.
